Welcome to the first Casual Diehard post on Blogspot. It's been a minute since I wrote anything, and maybe I'll address the break and site change at some point, but for now it's good to be here, and I'm excited for the start of F1 season.
My friends at the Sickos Committee have a long-running bit of distance-based rankings...
...and somehow I got it in my head to see which F1 tracks were closest to a McDonald's. So I did, and I'll go through in season schedule order, with a little note on each, then list the rankings at the end (street courses' distances to McDonald's are from whatever point Google Maps assigned to each street course). Sound good? Then it's lights on the Golden Arches and away we go!
March 16: Australia
Nearest McDonald's to Albert Park Circuit: 32 The Esplanade, St Kilda (2.6 kilometers)
Let's start the season with one hell of a way to start the day: the Big Brekkie Burger.
"It starts with a warm, crisp hash brown, melting cheese, rasher bacon and a freshly cracked egg," according to McDonald's Australia. "Finished with a 100% Aussie beef patty and a generous dollop of BBQ sauce in between a toasted sesame seed bun."
The problem with this is the hash brown. It's not that it doesn't belong on the sandwich, it's that the potato patty's oblong nature does not jive with the round bun, burger, and egg. The hash brown is better off as a side, which you could then break pieces off of to fit the sandwich, but then it wouldn't be part of the sandwich and the sandwich would be less majestic.
The good news is you can create this for yourself in America with an Egg McMuffin, a hash brown, a burger, and some BBQ sauce. You'll also be better off having it on the English muffin instead of the sesame seed bun.
March 23: China
Nearest McDonald's to Shanghai International Circuit, Shanghai: Jiading District, 沪宜公路3145号 (7.5 kilometers)
No, you're crying because of the Chinese McDonald's ad. On multiple viewings.
The title of the spot is, according to Google Translate, "McDonald's Party｜You can be as happy as a child even when you grow up!" That's also true of seeing Grimace. You didn't have to go this hard, McDonald's China.
The 7.5 kilometers from Shanghai International Circuit to McDonald's is most dubious figure presented here. The McDonald's China website would not load and Google Maps listed multiple places as McDonald's that were either closed or did not appear to be McDonald's at all. You can for sure find the Golden Arches in the Jiading District, but rather than take a nearly two-hour hike there, consider that the West Bund is the home of McDonald's China headquarters, including both a restaurant and the Chinese campus of Hamburger University.
April 6: Japan
Nearest McDonald's to Suzuka International Racing Course: Aeon Mall, 4-1-2 Shono-Hayama (3.9 kilometers)
"Why is McDonald's cooking?" asked my daughter when she saw me watching this. I don't know, but I do want to try Teriyaki McDonald's. And also play Tetris.
Japan might have the most unfamiliar menu of the international McDonald's, and the Japanese language isn't always an easy translation to English, so you can wind up with items like the seasonal Extruding Pastrami Beef Teritama and the Iwate Prefecture White Peach McFizz. I would love to go to Japan someday and be confused the entire time by everything.
On the simpler side: edamame and corn makes it feel like there was a missed opportunity to have an extremely failed McSuccotash.
April 13: Bahrain
Nearest McDonald's to Bahrain International Circuit: Sakhir Service Station, Gulf of Bahrain Road (3.8 kilometers)
Also convenient to the University of Bahrain, the deluxe service plaza also has a KFC, and a Hardee's, a Baskin-Robbins, a Caribou Coffee... and a Fuddruckers?
Bahrain gets a Fuddruckers but the biggest city in America doesn't have one closer than Parsippany, New Jersey? Heck, the only Hardee's in all of New York State is in Ripley, off the very last exit on Interstate 90 before you go into Pennsylvania.
April 20: Saudi Arabia
Nearest McDonald's to Jeddah Corniche Circuit: Al Kurnaysh Branch Road (2.1 kilometers)
Directly outside of this McDonald's is the Red Sea, and then it's 140 miles due west to Sudan, just south of the Egyptian border. Sadly this is too far south to make it plausible that Moses and the Jews of the Passover story crossed the parted Red Sea to find the Golden Arches. Still, my parents made a stop at McDonald's between every family funeral and wherever the shiva call was. It was weird because there would always be food where people were sitting shiva.
May 4: Miami
Nearest McDonald's to Miami International Autodrome: University Drive, Miramar (3.7 kilometers)
There's a Sonic Drive-In right across the street from the track. The McDonald's directly behind it closed. The Miramar McDonald's is due north of the circuit. There's one in Miami Gardens that's due south, just a little farther away.
May 18: Emilia-Romagna
Nearest McDonald's to Autodromo Enzo e Dino Ferrari: Via Provinciale Selice (4.5 kilometers)
I don't want to get too excited about this McDonald's having a full-on dessert case. Like, McDonald's apple pie is better than it has any right to be, so... McTiramisu? It's either delicious or very, very, very bad. Oh, cool, this is Ferrari's home race, just on the other side of Bologna from Maranello. Sadly, Lewis Hamilton being vegan means no McDonald's tiramisu for him, and certainly not "Le Ricche Fries" (translation: "The Rich Fries") which you can "Provale ancho con extra bacon." (translation: "Try them also with extra bacon.")
It feels wrong that "extra bacon" is the correct way to say "extra bacon" in Italian, but it is. Bacon in French is also "le bacon."
May 25: Monaco
Nearest McDonald's to Circuit de Monaco: Centre Commercial de Fontvielle (700 meters)
There is only one McDonald's in Monaco, and it is as close to the Mediterranean Sea as the Jeddah shoreline McDonald's is to the Red Sea. You could, quite reasonably, eat at McDonald's in Monaco, walk a few feet to a yacht, go through the Suez Canal, dock at the Jeddah Yacht Club & Marina, and be at another McDonald's minutes (driving) to an hour (walking) later. You'll go right past the racetrack in Saudi Arabia, too, since it's also on the shore. Perhaps you could kayak in from the yacht to the beach outside the Saudi McDonald's, really maximize the aquatic travel.
McDonald's location in Monaco is part of McDonald's France, just as AS Monaco plays soccer in France's Ligue 1 (which is sponsored by McDonald's France through 2027). That means there's a decent likelihood that at some point in his life, Charles Leclerc has had Le Royal Cheese, known better to Americans as the Royale With Cheese.
Never go to Burger King, Vincent Vega.
June 1: Spain
Nearest McDonald's to Circuit de Barcelona-Catalunya: Carrer del Comte de Montemolin (3.2 kilometers)
It's not surprising, because these are multinational companies that have their shit together, but when McDonald's Spain does Monopoly, they do it with the Spanish version of Monopoly.
But you will never guess which song they got for the Spanish McDonald's Monopoly ad.
I can't hear that song without thinking of the 2011-12 Philadelphia Flyers. RIP Mac Miller.
On the one hand, this is a tense moment, as Canada is dealing with a lot of shit right now. On the other hand, Kendrick Lamar needs to take down more Canadian rappers.
Canada should take pride in having invented the McFlurry, for sure. To tie them to the Toronto Raptors is disrespectful, and to do it with two of the worst minutes in rap and cinematography history? Not cool.
June 29: Austria
Nearest McDonald's to Red Bull Ring: Weiner Straße, Knittlefeld (5.4 kilometers)
Yes, they do have Red Bull at McDonald's in Austria. Also, beer, wings, shrimp, and the McFish, which is a Filet-o-Fish with ketchup instead of tartar sauce, and no cheese. Wait... did I say shrimp?
I'm not going to check every country's McDonald's menu to see if they have shrimp, but will note that Azerbaijan does, but the Azerbaijani shrimp doesn't come with cocktail sauce. Possibly a win there for Azerbaijan.
July 6: Great Britain
Nearest McDonald's to Silverstone Circuit: Brackley Road, Towcester (9 kilometers)
The Philly Cheese Stack is a slap in the face to America, and we deserve it.
Which do we deserve, the slap or the sandwich (which has both grilled and crispy onions, as well as both sliced and whizesque cheese)? Yes.
July 27: Belgium
Nearest McDonald's to Circuit de Spa-Francochamps: Crescend'Eau Shopping Center, Rue de la Station, Verviers (21.9 kilometers)
This is the farthest you have to go from a Formula 1 race circuit to find a McDonald's, nearly twice as far as the next-farthest F1-to-McDonald's trek.
In addition to the Filet-O-Fish and the McFish, McDonald's in Belgium also offers the Royal-O-Fish, not to be confused with the Royal Cheese or the Royal Crispy Bacon, both of which are burgers. According to the English version of McDonald's Belgium's trilingual website (Dutch and French are also available), "the O in Royal-O-Fish stands for... the sound you produce when you taste the crunchy fried fish filet exclusively made with certified fish, the crisp slices of cucumber, the fresh lettuce and delicious tartar sauce."
The "Royal" must stand for "lettuce" because what the hell else is the difference between that and the Filet-O-Fish? Or is it because the Royal-O-Fish's fish is certified, while the description of the Filet-O-Fish makes no reference to the fish's credentials? And who is responsible for certifying the fish? Are the uncertified fish a way to get around recently-imposed limits for mackerel catch in Belgian waters? Did you forget that Belgium has a coastline on the North Sea, between The Netherlands and France? Did you realize that Amsterdam is actually farther north than London? Did you zoom out too far on the map?
August 3: Hungary
Nearest McDonald's to Hungaroring: Kistarcsa (7.3 kilometers)
Nothing against the featured McDonald's here, which has a perfectly cromulent 3.9 Google rating, but it's an hour on the train into Budapest, and Nyugati Station.
The train station McDonald's has a rave every Friday and Saturday night, with DJ sets from 10 p.m. to 4 a.m., with a light show projected onto the cavernous ceiling. The shows were only supposed to run through the end of last year, but proved so popular, they're still doing it every weekend.
Hungary also offers the BLT McMuffin, possibly inspired by the colors of the Hungarian flag, definitely something that should be global. Keep the waffle fries though.
August 31: Netherlands
Nearest McDonald's to Circuit Zandvoort: Grote Houtstraat 75, Haarlem (8.5 kilometers)
This McDonald's is on the main shopping street of Haarlem, just like the ones a block directly east and west of the Apollo Theater. There is one big difference.
They call them "Twister Fries."
Arby's left The Netherlands in the 1990s, so McDonald's was able to take over the curly fry market, but it's a real "your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should" situation.
There are four Arby's restaurants in Holland, Michigan, a city with a population of 34,540, while the place that was called New Amsterdam (population: 8.3 million) has only three Arby's -- two in Queens, one in Manhattan. You have the meats. Bring them to where the people are, Arby's. Come on.
September 7: Italy
Nearest McDonald's to Monza Circuit: Via Cesana e Villa, 70, Biassono (1.4 kilometers)
Not all Happy Meals are created equal. In Italy, they have a McToast Happy Meal. That's a ham-and-cheese sandwich on round toast. As part of the Happy Meal, you can substitute out the apple slices for a snack-size Parmigiano Reggiano.
Honestly, the apples and cheese would probably go nicely together, they should try offering that.
September 21: Azerbaijan
Nearest McDonald's to Baku City Circuit: Park Bulvar Mall (350 meters)
The closest McDonald's to F1 racing is another seaside outlet, this time on the banks of the Caspian Sea. So, no sailing from this McDonald's to Jeddah or Monaco, you're gonna have to pick between Russia, Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan, and Iran. There is not a McDonald's to be found in any of those countries, since McDonald's left Russia and Kazakhstan in 2022 after the Russian invasion of Ukraine.
Kazakhstan kinda got screwed on that one because they weren't responsible for invading Ukraine, just buying Russian meat. The McDonald's chain became "I'M" in Kazakhstan, still run by the previous franchisee Food Solutions KZ.
Not that Kazakhstan is a hub of ethics. Not that Azerbaijan is either. But Azerbaijan does still have McDonald's. It's got 29 of them, with two more coming soon. That will give Azerbaijan more McDonald's than Alaska, Vermont, Wyoming, and both Dakotas.
I mentioned earlier that Azerbaijan is one of the places you can find McShrimp, but there's something even more galling on a menu that makes you feel as an American like you're having a brain aneurysm.
Nearest McDonald's to Marina Bay Circuit: Marina Square, 6 Raffles Blvd. (900 meters)
There are several countries where McDonald's has wings. In Singapore, they also have thighs and drumsticks. Other than that, the menu is pretty underwhelming as far as regionality goes. There is, however, gluttony.
The Double Sausage McMuffin with Egg is coming in at only 406 calories? Also, Lance Stroll will be winning the World Drivers Championship. He's going to clinch it at Singapore and celebrate with a nice Corn (Jr).
October 19: United States
Nearest McDonald's to Circuit of the Americas: 7101 E. William Cannon Drive (12 kilometers)
I had a great time when I went to Austin for last year's Grand Prix of the United States, but also feel no need to ever return to the capital of Texas. Part of the problem is illustrated here: everything is somehow a long way from everything else. Yes, it's car culture, and it's big, sprawling Texas, but also when you put a track well outside of town, it's probably going to be accessible only by a couple of minor roads that will jam up like crazy for any major event.
This is not only the second-farthest McDonald's from any F1 venue, it's also the second-lowest rated, at just 2.9 out of 5 on Google reviews. Go to Whataburger instead. There's one at the airport and also every couple of miles on Interstate 35.
October 26: Mexico City
Nearest McDonald's to Autodromo Hermanos Rodriguez: Avenida Té 805 (2.3 kilometers)
Adios to Menú Checo, although now Sergio Pérez has all the time in the world to eat all the McDonald's he wants.
The "Checo Menu" was really just a Checo Special, as we've seen in America for Travis Scott, Angel Reese, and others. What was the special? A Big Mac with fries and a drink... and an extra order of fries to use as burger topping.
Even as a McDonald's menu, Checo stinks. How can "Pittsburgh Style" be your personal menu item at McDonald's? You're not even from Pittsburgh! You've probably never even been to Pittsburgh. Well, now Checo has time to go to Pittsburgh. They also put coleslaw on the sandwiches. Have fun, pal.
I should be nicer to Checo. He's not only out of a ride, but after his boat racing team finished last in the inaugural E1 series to Tom Brady, there is no more Team Sergio Perez. Instead, LeBron James has partnered with Saudi Arabia to field a team.
The boat racing league also has teams sponsored/run by Steve Aoki, Didier Drogba, Rafael Nadal, and Will Smith. This year's series started with a Brady win in Jeddah and a victory for Nadal in Doha, Qatar. There are five more races on the schedule: TBA, Monaco, Lake Como, TBA, and Miami. You can smell the combination of money and detergent from here.
Public service announcement: If you find yourself wanting to bet on the E1 boat racing series, call the number.
November 9: Sao Paulo
Nearest McDonald's to Interlagos Circuit: Av. Antônio Barbosa da Silva Sandoval, 52/56 (1.4 kilometers)
Interestingly, the Mexican promotion with Checo did not include any hint of Formula 1. In South America, however, McDonald's signed up as an F1 Regional Partner, so not only did Brazil get an F1 McDonald's ad last year, so did Argentina. Shoutout to Franco Colapinto... but, again, the item selection for "Menú F1" is so basic: a Quarter Pounder or a Double Quarter Pounder meal... with bacon!
Why isn't a Double Quarter Pounder a Half Pounder? Why is Argentina calling it that when they don't use pounds? Ah, forget it, and concentrate on the extravagant Brazilian dessert menu, highlighted by the McFlurry Cocrocante com Diamante Negro -- the Chocolate McFlurry with Black Diamond, a treat that makes you pray Brazilian McFlurry machines work better than their American counterparts.
November 22: Las Vegas
Nearest McDonald's to Las Vegas Strip Circuit: 3717 S. Las Vegas Blvd. (1.3 kilometers)
The highest-rated and closest McDonald's to an American F1 race site, and you should still just go up the Strip to the Flamingo, where the In-N-Out Burger is. Then again, In-N-Out doesn't do breakfast.
Raise hell, praise Dale, and "food, folks, and fun" forever over "i'm lovin' it." (He also did ads for Burger King because money talks.)
November 30: Qatar
Nearest McDonald's to Lusail International Circuit: Umm Şalāl 'Alī (9.9 kilomters)
It doesn't feel fair, because there are closer McDonald's to Lusail as the crow flies, but it ain't exactly a walking paradise in Qatar, so you'd have to walk down to where a road actually gets across one of the big highways, then double back. It might be worth it, because the other McDonald's in the greater Doha area are universally beloved, while this one has the lowest rating of any Mickey D's on the closest-to-an-F1-track tour.
Do not, however, order the Qatari McTiramisu thinking that it will be the same as the Italian McTiramisu. They are entirely different shapes from one another, and Qatar's version makes no mention of either mascarpone or ladyfingers, both of which can be made halal so what the hell happened to have one look potentially amazing and the other look like the biggest mistake of your life since walking through the desert to get to the worst McDonald's in Qatar?
December 7: Abu Dhabi
Nearest McDonald's to Yas Marina Circuit: Yas Mall (4.9 kilometers)
The distance here is funny because the track and the mall are right next to each other... just, the McDonald's is at the very north end, the track at the very south end, and the coordinates for the circuit at the very south end of the race course.
The McDonald's across the Middle East are generally similar to one another, but each country has its own quirks. That can mean horrifying Qatari tiramisu, or it can mean perplexing Emirati chicken teriyaki rice bowls. To be fair, Japan is Qatar's top trading partner, so there's logic to including some East Asian flavor for business travelers. But while Japan has a teriyaki burger and chicken sandwich, the rice bowl is unique to Qatar. They've also had rice bowls in India, but no longer -- the subcontinent remains home to the McEgg, not to be confused with hockey journeyman Greg McKegg (with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg).
Since the highest-rated McDonald's was the one closest to Imola, it's a clear sign that Ferrari is winning the constructors title this year, with Lewis Hamilton winning championship number eight.
Now, here are the final results for the closest McDonald's to each F1 venue (McDistance is in kilometers) and the standings for their ratings on Google's five-star review metric...
Over the weekend, Pete Alonso tied Darryl Strawberry's team home run record for the Mets, going deep for the 252nd time in his career. When he hits number 253, the Polar Bear will be the new owner of a record that the Straw Man had held since May 3, 1988, when he passed Dave Kingman with career home run 155. Strawberry continued to add to his club record through the 1990 season, and his departure for Los Angeles not only ended an era of Mets baseball, but also froze the team record at a relatively low number. The only teams whose home run records are below the Mets' figure are the Diamondbacks ( Luis Gonzalez , 224) and Padres, who are 13 Manny Machado dingers away from becoming the 30th and final major league team to have a 200-home run hitter. Alonso is only signed through this season, with a player option for next year, but he can still move the Mets up the home run record leaderboard by passing Evan Longoria's tally of 261 home runs for the Rays. The Ma...
This is an obvious spinoff to the last post here, Each MLB Team's Home Run King , so before we dive into football, a minor correction... Pete Alonso quickly broke his tie for the Mets' home run record with Darryl Strawberry , and after he did, the SNY booth mentioned Alonso being one of four active players who leads a team in dingers, and while I realized that despite mentioning Giancarlo Stanton holding the Marlins' team record, I'd only said that Salvador Perez and José Ramirez were looking to join Manny Machado , Mike Trout , and now Alonso "as team record holders," when what I meant was "establishing new team records with every homer." This is important context, not only because of Alonso's pending free agency and the chance that he'll join Stanton as team record holders still playing with another team (my position is the Mets should give Alonso whatever he wants to finish his career as a Met, but I don't run the Mets), but also be...
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